The new world of alternative facts

With no intention of attenuating his social media posting habits President Bigly fluttered at 5:35 am about his amazing 'win' speech at the Cats Intelligence Agency HQ. He also reminded everyone about the protracted standing ovations he received.

Not done, he followed up with a flutter about the previous days 'Cats in Pink' protests, completely missing the point the marchers were making.

Strutting into the breakfast room he sat down to his usual morning steak and surveyed the sycophants gathered round: "My crowds were bigger than any previous inauguration and the protest march yesterday put together. TV ratings were best ever."

Doogie vigorously nodded his head, "I covered that in my first press anti-briefing, putting them straight about the numbers as they are currently printing fake news."

"And my standing ovations were yuge at the CIA memorial, everybody loves me, they hung on my every word," said Bigly.

Appearing on TV later in the day Screetch said it was time that a new intelligence community was put in place to remove the legacy one, seeming to contradict President Bigly's statement that he was behind the CIA big time. She was also interrogated on the easily provable lies that Doogie stated about the inauguration crowd size.

"Doogie gave alternative facts," she started saying to justify the blatant lies that the interviewer was calling her out on.

Not letting this pass the interviewer pounced mid-sentence, "Alternative facts aren't facts they are lies, and four of the five alternative facts Doogie gave at the press anti-briefing were untrue."

"That's your opinion," stated Screetch, "And as President Bigly is now in charge of the United States of Purrica what he says is fact, is a fact. The deviant press won't be allowed to report lies once we tighten the noose on them financially and in other more personal ways."

"Washington Metro have released data to show that over one million trips were taken to the National Mall on Saturday for the protest march, yet less than 600,000 on inauguration day, how do you account for that?"

"Fake news put out by the fake media trying to discredit the importance of President Bigly's win."

Back at the Power House the president sat watching TV after a gruelling session thinking about what executive orders to sign next, and planning his crazy golf park to replace the Power House's organic garden.

"The election is over so these cats should suck it up, I won, big. And I won the popular vote if you ignore all the millions of illegal voters."

"Yes you did, yes you did," crooned a visibly sweating Doogie who was thinking that his press secretary career might be the shortest in history.

Bigly continued, "How can they say my crowds were not the yugest in history? They were, they stretched as far as the eye can see, the news reports are fake. And they are not reporting how God stopped the rain just before my historic speech. I am going to make the media pay. Big time."