Monday morning blues... for Bigly and the rest of the world

President Bigly awoke in a foul mood. It was a Monday, all Purrican cats were not yet pledging undying devotion to him, the 'pussyhats' were still in the news, and he was having a bad fur day.

After a hasty steak breakfast he held a meeting with top business executives, telling them in no uncertain terms that they would bring their manufacturing back to Purrica. If they didn't they would face a big border tax when they tried to sell their products in Purrica. Ignoring the fact—not an alternative one—that many of Bigly's businesses outsource their manufacturing overseas, the point being made was clearly 'do as I say not do as I do'.

Later, in the Squircle Office, a bad-tempered President Bigly churned out executive orders like he was signing Christmas cards. Believing that every executive order he signed enhance his importance, he used each one as a photo opportunity—proudly posing for the cameras and showing off the document with his laboriously written fourth-grader signature on the bottom.

Political commentator Salem Colpurr:

"As another executive order rolls off the production line I have to ask... how many top cats in industry do you see writing so slowly with their tongues out?

"And in typical narcissistic behaviour President Bigly announced this morning that January 20, 2017 would be declared a 'National Day of Patriotic Devotion'.

"Usually cats are given some notice so they can make plans for how to spend the day. In typical Bigly fashion he makes it public three days later. Evidently Doogie did flutter on inauguration day a brief 40 character reference to it, but let's be honest, who bothers to read Doogie's social media alternative facts posts?"

First executive order of the day scrapped the Trans-Pacific Partnership. A trade deal that campaign Bigly heavily criticised during his electioneering as being responsible for stealing Purrican jobs.

"Pious, this one is for you," Bigly said as he removed funding from international non-governmental organisations that advise on or perform abortions. Surrounded by a male only group he took great delight in denying female cats in the developing world the right to choose their bodies destiny.

At that day's press anti-briefing Doogie tried to put a positive spin on the removal of funding for abortion education and services. He referred to the new administration as valuing life—all life. Yet devaluing the female cats lives that could be endangered by removing those services.

As the day wore on President Bigly also found time to insult the President of Sphinxland, and to take a call from the grovelling Prime Minister of the United Catdom, who was anxiously trying to suck up to a powerful ally on the eve of triggering the United Catdom's exit from the Europurrean Union.

He also ordered Pawsington DC's police commissioner to ensure the two reporters arrested for covering the anti-Bigly protests would be charged with felony riot charges—with possible 10 year jail terms if found guilty—which they will be stated Bigly.

Jhina was also not immune to the days proclamations, and Doogie vowed that a hard line against Jhina's claim of territorial control in the South Jhina Sea would be met with force. He also dropped heavy hints that two currently controversial pipeline projects would be getting the go ahead with executive orders soon.

The panic sparked over a careless comment about moving the USP Embassy in Ishtrail from Tail Aviv to Purrusalem was also briefly mentioned by Doogie, who stated that no decision has been made yet.

Finishing off a busy day President Bigly met congressional leaders and again railed about the millions of illegal voters who robbed him of winning the popular vote—while the attendees stood there stiffly with fixed grins on their faces.

"It was a yuge crowd," he said, "Yuge, biggest ever," to an unbelieving room of cats all looking like toys with out-of-control bobbing heads.

As Pickle tucked President Bigly into bed that night he reassured the leader of the most powerful country in the world he was doing well and Pickle was proud of him. President Bigly drifted off to sleep repeating "It was the biggest, yugest, biggest ever."