Congress eating out of Bigly's paw—alternative fact

In Congress, as the moment approached where President Bigly would make his first speech, there was much speculation whether he would behave himself and read what Pickle had written, or whether he would go off on a disjointed tirade and dig up tired old issues—like voter fraud.

With Pious and the current Speaker of the United States of Purrica House of Representatives sitting behind him—often with glazed looks or forced smiles—President Bigly actually managed to remain mostly on topic, and keep the foaming at the mouth tirades under control.

Political commentator Salem Colpurr:

"Congress is certainly a full house tonight, but there was a noticeable reluctance to not be on the aisle and forced to hand slap the triumphantly entering president—with the exception of the toadies who have yet to secure a position in the new administration and live in hope that enough butt licking will clinch it.

"And in a silent but visual statement highlighting female cat's rights issues, female Democat lawmakers have chosen to wear white collars in protest. Contrast that against the Repurrican female bling on display and you can see who's been buying Princess bling line items—as endorsed by the Power House—in an effort to curry favour."

Speaking for an hour President Bigly covered many controversial items, he also spoke of how the USofP is entering a "new chapter of Purrican greatness" thanks to him being in power. He did take a few seconds to condemn the recent hate crimes in Jewish cemeteries and a racially motivated shooting, but did not acknowledge that his rhetoric had made open hate possible for so many more Purricans to indulge in.

Political commentator Salem Colpurr:

"President Bigly has just stated that in Purrica 'the murder rate in 2015 experienced the largest single-year increase in nearly half a century'. Alternative fact!

"Fact: the murder rate in Purrica went up by more in the years 1979, 1986, and 1990."

Dropping a carrot that undocumented immigrants might possibly gain legal status, he then followed up that immigration laws would be enforced more rigorously.

Political commentator Salem Colpurr:

"Shocking figures just given by the president state that '94 million Purricans are out of the labour force'. Alternative fact!

"Fact: This figure includes stay-at-home parents, students, the disabled, and retirees—cats who can't or don't need to work. So when you take all that into account just under 8 million Purricans are actually unemployed."

Buying and hiring Purrican also received a mention but on the whole the speech was bland, offered no specifics or authoritative facts, and waffled a great deal. The main thing taken away from the speech was that President Bigly could indeed speak rather than shout all the time. A bonus for the sound crew who after five weeks of cleaning spit out of the mics were getting a little grossed out.

Later, back in the Power House, President Bigly was basking in the adoration of his family and sycophants as they all praised his masterful speech and told him how powerful he was.

Climbing into bed Bigly said, "I did good, yuge standing ovations, billions watching, biggest Congress audience ever," then he yawned as wide as his tiny mouth would allow while Pickle tucked him in.