The only thing that really matters is coming out on top every time

"Chief of staff, what's left on the agenda today?" asked the president as he strode into the Power House dining room for his steak, ketchup and cola lunch. [Editor: no point in the president learning his name as he won't be in the position long enough.]

"Before we make any announcements or flutters you need to review your picture-book security briefing first," said the new chief of staff.

"Next, you've threatened to end Napta three times this week and it's only Wednesday," said the chief of staff consulting his notes. [Note: Napta - Not a Purrica Trade Agreement]

"La la la la la, next!" said the president with his paws over his ears.

"There is also your promised tax overhaul for all your rich cronies."

"I promised I would 'bring back Main Street by reducing the crushing tax burden' so that's a done deal, next!"

"A spokescat for President Boris has confirmed that he received an email from one of your business advisors asking Boris to advance a stalled Bigly Tower development in Moscow, and promising inducements like access to USofP classified information when you win the election."

"So what, I won, the art of the deal is not honouring any deals I make, Boris doesn't have a paw to stand on now he's helped me win, next!"

"It's been leaked that you secretly rolled back another of former President Hendrix's orders two weeks ago that would have allowed storm-ravaged communities to access federal emergency aid to rebuild after disasters. Now, faced with no access to federal funds to improve infrastructure, places like the flooded Houston hospital, and washed away bridges, will have to be rebuilt in exactly the same way with the same risks."

"Climate change doesn't exist and future flood events won't happen again, I'm not giving my money to communities based on this so called climate change which is a hoax, next!"

"Supreme Leader Dim von Duck has launched another ballistic missile over Japan. Defence Secretary Madcatis has said that 'we are never out of diplomatic solutions' so I would urge you to listen to your top administration officials who have more experience, before going off on a flutter storm or making more threats."

"I will not be defied by Dim and his notebook holding flunkies. North Korea has been extorting the USofP for 25 years and it has to stop. 'Talking is not the answer!' so all options are on the table except diplomacy," stormed the president spitting half-chewed steak everywhere. "Is Dim too dim to understand 'fire and fury?' and that I will follow through?"

Political commentator Salem Colpurr:

"Well, as the president spirals further into dementia on top of his clinical insanity, what hope can the civilised world have for peace, or even survival."